Harder than it seems

Where did that determination from yesterday go?

Truly, I am the Queen of polyanna, the person who does see the silver lining in every cloud - so much so that it annoys other people.  I get that.  But, when I woke up this morning all I felt was fear, concern, and worry.  Who is in me?  Where is this coming from?

I only thought, "this market is way overbought and will come crashing down on my dime."  In fact, I think most days that the market will crash as soon as I buy in.  I said this out loud to myself.  This statement is in horrible contrast to my usual positive outlook on everything in life.  Where did this catastrophic view of the market come from?  It is not as if I ever lost lots of money in the market.  Toni calls it a grey lens that is clouding my vision of the market.  But, where on earth does this very contradictory to my life paradigm view come from?  What is this pessimistic voice inside of me?  Whose voice is it?

The market is indeed going down now.  But, it rallied immensely this morning and rather than trusting myself to trade my plan, I did nothing.  And, again, I watched myself not earn hundreds of dollars.  Who is this person that is pessimistic and doesn't trust herself?  Is this really me?

Anybody out there know how to perform an exorcism to rid me of this?

I will go try to run it out, to see what comes up as I am running, to see what may be at the root of this.

Trying to keep this blog light, but today I think I need to plunge into the dark side to come out the other end.  Or perhaps to find a way to manage successfully with both the dark and the light.