Harder than it seems

Where did that determination from yesterday go?

Truly, I am the Queen of polyanna, the person who does see the silver lining in every cloud - so much so that it annoys other people.  I get that.  But, when I woke up this morning all I felt was fear, concern, and worry.  Who is in me?  Where is this coming from?

I only thought, "this market is way overbought and will come crashing down on my dime."  In fact, I think most days that the market will crash as soon as I buy in.  I said this out loud to myself.  This statement is in horrible contrast to my usual positive outlook on everything in life.  Where did this catastrophic view of the market come from?  It is not as if I ever lost lots of money in the market.  Toni calls it a grey lens that is clouding my vision of the market.  But, where on earth does this very contradictory to my life paradigm view come from?  What is this pessimistic voice inside of me?  Whose voice is it?

The market is indeed going down now.  But, it rallied immensely this morning and rather than trusting myself to trade my plan, I did nothing.  And, again, I watched myself not earn hundreds of dollars.  Who is this person that is pessimistic and doesn't trust herself?  Is this really me?

Anybody out there know how to perform an exorcism to rid me of this?

I will go try to run it out, to see what comes up as I am running, to see what may be at the root of this.

Trying to keep this blog light, but today I think I need to plunge into the dark side to come out the other end.  Or perhaps to find a way to manage successfully with both the dark and the light.

So Over Myself

I am so over my own issues around buying in.  Bring it on tomorrow!  I am diving in, head first.  Let's see what happens......

Oh my goodness

Yes, I did it - drum roll please!   I bought a stock without shaky hands and with a calm heart - not even a flutter.  Then, I sold it too fast and lost $40 when I could've stayed in and made $130 when the stock went back up one hour later.

But, I choose to sit in the moment of triumph, the moment that I succeeded today in buying and selling with calm.  That is victory.  If I can keep repeating that now, of course with some patience before selling, then I may actually get the hang of this and make some money.

Toni Turner is a fabulous coach who talks about how much of trading is psychological and that staying calm and confident is key.

Repeat after me, "Ohm, ohm, I am calm like the water."  

Gone, gone, gone

I am gone the rest of the week, unable to access a computer!  What to do?  Guess I will have to remember what it is like to be outside, where there is air, birds, and no CNBC.  Whatever will I do?!

Frozen No More!

I am back in action.  No, wait, I just started some action.  Either way, I was able to buy and sell a stock today!  Three cheers for each of the dimes I earned from that trade!

Yes, if you did the math that fast, that is correct, I earned a whopping, hold on here, don't pass out from sheer delight, thirty cents!  I am not sure yet what I will do with that money - perhaps a gum ball, a gobstopper, a pickle, or a lollipop?  Any suggestions?

All joking aside though, I was able to do it.  I actually clicked the mouse and bought a stock.  Immediately I saw I entered too late because of course I sat there frozen watching it go up before I clicked the mouse to buy it, but nonetheless, I bought the stock.  I have a great ability to know when to get out by reading the volume, level 2 screen and indecision, so I basically earned enough to cover my commission costs plus 30 cents take home pay. Not bad for a day's work.

There it is.  I am at the beginning of a very long road, or climb, or swim - not sure what to call it at all.  But I am facing it, diving in, and giving it my best shot.

What I realized today as I pushed myself to actually buy this stock is that I was really the only one standing in my way.

Love the fish!

I just added the fish.  Love the fish!  You click with your mouse and some food flakes appear and then all the fish swim toward the food to eat it.  Love the fish!  Wouldn't it be great if stocks were like this - wherever we click, the stock automatically jumps toward that place?  If I click higher, the stock goes higher.  If only stocks were like these fish.

 Love the fish, be the fish, swim with the current, not against it.  Any other odd, helpful or hilarious hidden pieces of market wisdom out there?

Hmmmmm?

The Dow is up.  The NASDAQ is up.  The S&P is up.  Life is looking good for everyone it seems.  Everyone it seems but me.

I am actually not a complainer, not a pessimist.  I am the naive, optimistic, life is wonderful kind of person. I am the idealist who states, "This will only make us stronger" as a typhoon wave heads toward us while surfing in the afternoon.  I say, "Bring it on!"

So, what on earth is going on here?  How can it be that something like the stock market, a place where huge amounts of dollars are exchanged on a daily, no, a millisecond basis, can put me in this place of negativity?  I used to manage crises, meltdowns, emotional catastrophes at my former job - and all with ease, calm and optimism.  What kind of hold does this market have on people?

Let's recap.  I sat there, ready to jump in at my entry.  I realized I didn't have a whole lot to use because my account is simply smaller than most, so I couldn't enter the stocks that were making the biggest gains.  Okay, let's readjust.  I thought, I am flexible so I can handle this.  Nope.  By the time I figured that out those little stocks were already cruising up and flatlining, topping out.  Game over.  The days seem short here in my world.

What was that I heard behind me, "Hey, honey, how is it going?"  My husband checked in, trying in his usual way to act like he is okay with whatever response I give him but inside hoping to the heavens I didn't just lose our savings.  Such a sweet man to hold himself in composure during this learning curve.  "Just fine," my typical response.

Because, truly, at the end of the day, with no money lost, and no money gained, it is all just fine.  And, tomorrow will be better - right?

Where to begin?

Well, my goodness.  When a mentor/friend of mine told me that she was a trader, and then later on told me not to do it, I thought that she was being overprotective.  I read and read and read and learned as much as I could for the past 3 months.  I poured over charts, candlesticks, and digested as much new lingo and technical tools as I could.  Then, I dove in - well, kind of.  I have been paper-trading for 3 weeks now for one simple reason - can you guess what that reason is?

No, not because I fail at paper trading
No, not because my mouse was low on batteries
No, not because my glasses were broken

For anyone who guessed that it is because I CAN'T CLICK ON THE MOUSE TO BUY you are correct.

I have sat there, frozen, as I watched a stock go up, and I am not in it.  I am completely frozen when I see my perfect entry.

Now, some of you may be wondering, how is this possible?  Isn't it that traders are supposed to freeze when the stock starts falling and they become paralyzed with fear and shaky hands?

Not I - I freeze when I see a successful stock about to take off.

What is the psychology of that?  Hmmmmm, let's see, I am a therapist, so perhaps I can't see myself being successful at another career, perhaps I feel I am not worth it, or perhaps, just perhaps it is easier than that-

perhaps it is just that I really don't trust that I could have learned enough in 3 months to make money?!

Or maybe I just need to set up a reward system in which I get to eat one ice cream sundae for every time I actually click on the mouse to buy a stock?


What beginner stories do you have?  Anything funny, enlightening, or a pearl of wisdom for the rest of us? Do share!