Probabilities sounds like probably to me. Probably has never cut it for me. For example, when my husband and I asked the question of each other - do we want to be married? Probably would not have been a good enough answer from either of us. Another example, when I signed up for any job - I never probably wanted it. Everything I have done has been 100% and then some, no room for probably.
In trading, there is probably, maybe, and probabilities. There is the knowledge that I will lose, yes, lose, some percentage of the time. The only certainty is uncertainty. For a woman who always wanted to earn a 100 on my tests and be the best at work, losing is simply not an option. Or at least it wasn't, until now.
The psychology of losing some of the time is hard to manage. The emotion of losing and not carrying that over to the next trade is hard to manage. So far I have managed this emotion by simply avoiding the whole situation for the past couple of months. This is hard work. Being in the "now moment" and focusing just on that one trade in front of me without the cloud of other losing trades getting in the way is a skill worth mastering, and a skill that is hard to master.
How do others get past that emotion? Share any tips you have!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Is It Too Good To Be True?
My whole life I was taught to work ridiculously hard to earn a bigger paycheck. Now, I am not intending to say that trading is not ridiculously hard because it is. It is just a different kind of difficult.
The way I was taught to work was to sacrifice myself for my paycheck. Yes, I found it rewarding to help other people, but I found it to be a large sacrifice to do so in often pretty bad conditions. From my first job as an adoption counselor working in an office with a boss who smoked pot and obtained her babies from I am not sure where, and was thus reported, all the way through to several other crazy scenarios that don't need to be rehashed here. I think that I began to drink the Kool-Aid that earning a paycheck meant working in run-down buildings with floods, broken pipes, unsafe neighborhoods and as you have already read unhappy bosses.
So, now, as I sit here, still paper-trading, in disbelief at the money I have made in paper-trading, I am conflicted and confused. Is it possible that I can really sit in my own home, comfy and cozy, with the sunlight coming through the window and the sounds of the birds and wind chimes outside, and make money? This seems a little too good to be true, and in my upbringing I was taught that anything too good to be true is NOT true.
Yes, it has been a lot of work to get here, to get to this place of understanding the market and my strategy, and I know I still have A LOT more learning to do everyday. And, yes, I quit my job and have lived on a single income with my husband for months, but this has all been a great time of learning for me. It has all been a great time of introspection, not really a time of any type of sacrifice at all.
Everyday I learn more and more that conquering my fears of the market are really about conquering the fears in my own head - ending I think with this one - that this is now too good to be true. I wonder if anybody else has had this fear? I have heard other traders share that they have fears of losing all of their money, but I have not yet heard anybody share that they fear that they may now be in a life that is just plain good.
The question for me is why I would fear that. Why would I fear a good work life? Well, the answer I came up with today, while watching myself not enter a perfectly set up trade and once again watching money race away from me, is that I have an association that when things get too good, they end. And, they don't just end with a hug and a party, they end with a tragic stab-in-the-gut, knock-you-to-your-knees blow. Now there is some awareness. So, it seems, to follow this illogical logic, that I feel fear because I think that if I start trading and am successful then it will all come to a crushing end.
As I have felt all along, the feelings and psychology of the market are also our feelings and psychology about life. So, this means that perhaps I have been hesitant in life as well. Thank goodness for this book that a great clinical and trading mentor recommended to me - Trading in the Zone. Without this book I would not be learning what I REALLY need to know about my trading, and as I am finding out more and more, about my life.
The way I was taught to work was to sacrifice myself for my paycheck. Yes, I found it rewarding to help other people, but I found it to be a large sacrifice to do so in often pretty bad conditions. From my first job as an adoption counselor working in an office with a boss who smoked pot and obtained her babies from I am not sure where, and was thus reported, all the way through to several other crazy scenarios that don't need to be rehashed here. I think that I began to drink the Kool-Aid that earning a paycheck meant working in run-down buildings with floods, broken pipes, unsafe neighborhoods and as you have already read unhappy bosses.
So, now, as I sit here, still paper-trading, in disbelief at the money I have made in paper-trading, I am conflicted and confused. Is it possible that I can really sit in my own home, comfy and cozy, with the sunlight coming through the window and the sounds of the birds and wind chimes outside, and make money? This seems a little too good to be true, and in my upbringing I was taught that anything too good to be true is NOT true.
Yes, it has been a lot of work to get here, to get to this place of understanding the market and my strategy, and I know I still have A LOT more learning to do everyday. And, yes, I quit my job and have lived on a single income with my husband for months, but this has all been a great time of learning for me. It has all been a great time of introspection, not really a time of any type of sacrifice at all.
Everyday I learn more and more that conquering my fears of the market are really about conquering the fears in my own head - ending I think with this one - that this is now too good to be true. I wonder if anybody else has had this fear? I have heard other traders share that they have fears of losing all of their money, but I have not yet heard anybody share that they fear that they may now be in a life that is just plain good.
The question for me is why I would fear that. Why would I fear a good work life? Well, the answer I came up with today, while watching myself not enter a perfectly set up trade and once again watching money race away from me, is that I have an association that when things get too good, they end. And, they don't just end with a hug and a party, they end with a tragic stab-in-the-gut, knock-you-to-your-knees blow. Now there is some awareness. So, it seems, to follow this illogical logic, that I feel fear because I think that if I start trading and am successful then it will all come to a crushing end.
As I have felt all along, the feelings and psychology of the market are also our feelings and psychology about life. So, this means that perhaps I have been hesitant in life as well. Thank goodness for this book that a great clinical and trading mentor recommended to me - Trading in the Zone. Without this book I would not be learning what I REALLY need to know about my trading, and as I am finding out more and more, about my life.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Cliff of a Chart
In learning about technical analysis, there are many terms for what can be potentially the top of the mountain climb on a chart, the highest peak before the fall. There is a hanging man, dark cloud cover, shooting star, or a gravestone doji. All can be ominous candlesticks or candlestick patterns illustrating the top of the climb, showing the next move will most likely be down.
In studying all of these patterns and types of bars, I was allured and excited to learn to exercise a whole other part of my brain. Analyzing these patterns and understanding their meanings was simply intriguing to me. That intrigue remains, but this week I have a deeper connection to the life of these patterns.
They are just colored sticks on the computer screen, some green and some red, some with long shadows and some horizontally flat. Yet, this week, I fully understood their power. The power within these candlesticks is created by the power of mass psychological panic, or hope. This week, I have seen panic.
I never thought, as I was studying over the past months, that I would cry upon seeing another long red candlestick. I cried because it was such a strong symbol of the sadness, fear and pain that the world is feeling. This may sound dramatic, and indeed it is compared to the symbols and images of despair currently happening in Japan. Yet, for me, it truly hit home how powerful these patterns are in communicating the simple and stark reality of panic.
It was much easier to enjoy the simplicity in the meaning of these candlesticks when they were long and green and climbing up into a seemingly endless blue sky over the past few months - that was a symbol of hope.
I learned today that there are people, traders, investors, who buy at the bottom. It sounds as if they are waiting in those valleys, looking up at the rocks falling down from the cliff, with the knowledge, with the hope, that they can use those rocks to rebuild. It sounds as if those people will not only hold enough positivity and strength to rebuild Japan and the psychological health of those who have suffered, but also will hold enough hope to create those next smaller, but significant, green bars climbing upward. Is this not the same hope and spirit that has moved us all forward during dark hours? No matter how many more red candles may come our way, I will continue to stand firm with those waiting patiently, gathering their strength, to rebuild.
In studying all of these patterns and types of bars, I was allured and excited to learn to exercise a whole other part of my brain. Analyzing these patterns and understanding their meanings was simply intriguing to me. That intrigue remains, but this week I have a deeper connection to the life of these patterns.
They are just colored sticks on the computer screen, some green and some red, some with long shadows and some horizontally flat. Yet, this week, I fully understood their power. The power within these candlesticks is created by the power of mass psychological panic, or hope. This week, I have seen panic.
I never thought, as I was studying over the past months, that I would cry upon seeing another long red candlestick. I cried because it was such a strong symbol of the sadness, fear and pain that the world is feeling. This may sound dramatic, and indeed it is compared to the symbols and images of despair currently happening in Japan. Yet, for me, it truly hit home how powerful these patterns are in communicating the simple and stark reality of panic.
It was much easier to enjoy the simplicity in the meaning of these candlesticks when they were long and green and climbing up into a seemingly endless blue sky over the past few months - that was a symbol of hope.
I learned today that there are people, traders, investors, who buy at the bottom. It sounds as if they are waiting in those valleys, looking up at the rocks falling down from the cliff, with the knowledge, with the hope, that they can use those rocks to rebuild. It sounds as if those people will not only hold enough positivity and strength to rebuild Japan and the psychological health of those who have suffered, but also will hold enough hope to create those next smaller, but significant, green bars climbing upward. Is this not the same hope and spirit that has moved us all forward during dark hours? No matter how many more red candles may come our way, I will continue to stand firm with those waiting patiently, gathering their strength, to rebuild.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Is This Really All Up To Me?
After being told that programs I loved were being cut, people I adored were being transferred, and clients I admired were without services on and off for the past fifteen years, something happened to me.
It was a quiet change. One I hadn't realized. It was a change that left me feeling numb and lifeless by the last year. It was a feeling of defeat. I was always the Polyanna in the room, the punching bag that kept bouncing back up after every knockdown, until I just didn't anymore. I still put on a good game face, one of hope and resilience, but something in my soul was simply dark. I left the job.
After the past six months of being with family, friends, nature, music, time for cooking, reading, singing and learning, I found myself in there. I didn't go anywhere. I wasn't actually lifeless inside. It is amazing how a little light can still remain in the middle of that darkness.
Then, I was given a gift. A gift of choice. A gift of deciding what to do. It really was all up to me now. There is no boss standing in the room telling me that I can't praise my staff or that I am doing a poor job because I don't follow the rules. There is no boss telling me that another program will be cut and I just have to suck it up. There is no boss sitting in the room telling me that I care too much about my clients and staff. There is no boss sitting in the room watching my every move and verbally beating the hope out of me.
I am here everyday, deciding that what I wanted to do before is still doable. I am here everyday, deciding it is all up to me to embrace the hope, perseverance, compassion, love and joy that is a natural and blessed part of who I am. I can share all of this with the world in any way I want without anyone telling me I can't.
So, I choose to continue on this path. I choose to no longer fear the power that I have to really make a difference. I choose to be as wildly hopeful and optimistic as I was before anybody ever told me I couldn't be. I choose to make money, lots of money trading, so that I can reach my ultimate goals. My goals are:
1. To invest in the resilience of people, to provide holistic healing centers for anybody in need, no matter what their background or ability to pay.
2. To create a fund for community and school gardens around the country.
3. To take care of my family.
It is really all up to me. It is time to get out of my way.
It was a quiet change. One I hadn't realized. It was a change that left me feeling numb and lifeless by the last year. It was a feeling of defeat. I was always the Polyanna in the room, the punching bag that kept bouncing back up after every knockdown, until I just didn't anymore. I still put on a good game face, one of hope and resilience, but something in my soul was simply dark. I left the job.
After the past six months of being with family, friends, nature, music, time for cooking, reading, singing and learning, I found myself in there. I didn't go anywhere. I wasn't actually lifeless inside. It is amazing how a little light can still remain in the middle of that darkness.
Then, I was given a gift. A gift of choice. A gift of deciding what to do. It really was all up to me now. There is no boss standing in the room telling me that I can't praise my staff or that I am doing a poor job because I don't follow the rules. There is no boss telling me that another program will be cut and I just have to suck it up. There is no boss sitting in the room telling me that I care too much about my clients and staff. There is no boss sitting in the room watching my every move and verbally beating the hope out of me.
I am here everyday, deciding that what I wanted to do before is still doable. I am here everyday, deciding it is all up to me to embrace the hope, perseverance, compassion, love and joy that is a natural and blessed part of who I am. I can share all of this with the world in any way I want without anyone telling me I can't.
So, I choose to continue on this path. I choose to no longer fear the power that I have to really make a difference. I choose to be as wildly hopeful and optimistic as I was before anybody ever told me I couldn't be. I choose to make money, lots of money trading, so that I can reach my ultimate goals. My goals are:
1. To invest in the resilience of people, to provide holistic healing centers for anybody in need, no matter what their background or ability to pay.
2. To create a fund for community and school gardens around the country.
3. To take care of my family.
It is really all up to me. It is time to get out of my way.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Does Gold Have an End?!?!
If only I had listened to my little brother? Who knew that he would know more about investing than I do? He told me to buy gold 2 years ago, and I didn't. Horrible of me.
Now, I sit and look at it and wonder - how much higher can it go? Does it have an end? If I get in now will I be one of those sad sad cases who chased a stock at its high? Hmmmm....
What is amazing to me is that when trading everything seems so clear and accurate when looking backwards! It is very hard to predict what will happen in the future. So, I suppose if I were to buy into gold now and it was to fall right after, then I would say, "Oh yes, that was so clear. Why did I buy in?" And, the opposite is true. If I were to not buy into gold and then it continues to go up the next year I would say, "Oh yes, that was so clear. Why didn't I buy in?"
In the end, I am learning more and more that the stock market is similar to life in some important ways:
1. Hindsight is 20/20.
2. It is only after decisions have been made that we learn the lessons.
3. Everything that goes up, must come down, we just never know when.
4. You can't enjoy the ride unless you get on.
5. You can't experience the ride at all unless you get on.
6. Regrets and second guessing only leads to more regrets and second guessing.
And, most important lesson of today for me -
Being open to and accepting the present moment makes all the difference.
So, the answer to "does gold have an end?" Nobody knows for sure and I'm okay with that.
Now, I sit and look at it and wonder - how much higher can it go? Does it have an end? If I get in now will I be one of those sad sad cases who chased a stock at its high? Hmmmm....
What is amazing to me is that when trading everything seems so clear and accurate when looking backwards! It is very hard to predict what will happen in the future. So, I suppose if I were to buy into gold now and it was to fall right after, then I would say, "Oh yes, that was so clear. Why did I buy in?" And, the opposite is true. If I were to not buy into gold and then it continues to go up the next year I would say, "Oh yes, that was so clear. Why didn't I buy in?"
In the end, I am learning more and more that the stock market is similar to life in some important ways:
1. Hindsight is 20/20.
2. It is only after decisions have been made that we learn the lessons.
3. Everything that goes up, must come down, we just never know when.
4. You can't enjoy the ride unless you get on.
5. You can't experience the ride at all unless you get on.
6. Regrets and second guessing only leads to more regrets and second guessing.
And, most important lesson of today for me -
Being open to and accepting the present moment makes all the difference.
So, the answer to "does gold have an end?" Nobody knows for sure and I'm okay with that.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
One Day
I like to think that one day I will look back. One day, perhaps 5 or 10 years from now, I will look back on this time and recall to anyone willing to listen,
"I learned how to trade during a time of no sense. I learned to trade during the illusion of hope of QE2, the reality of QE2, and the rise of gold. I learned to trade when volume was low, when people were skeptical, and choppiness was at an all time high. I learned to trade when October was actually a month of stock market gains and when global currency wars and riots in Europe broke out in November.
But, most of all, I learned how to trade with a supportive, encouraging, and laughter-inducing family and group of friends by my side. What a difference my small part of the world made for me as I learned how to trade in this big world."
One day, that will be the story of what life was like when I started to trade.
"I learned how to trade during a time of no sense. I learned to trade during the illusion of hope of QE2, the reality of QE2, and the rise of gold. I learned to trade when volume was low, when people were skeptical, and choppiness was at an all time high. I learned to trade when October was actually a month of stock market gains and when global currency wars and riots in Europe broke out in November.
But, most of all, I learned how to trade with a supportive, encouraging, and laughter-inducing family and group of friends by my side. What a difference my small part of the world made for me as I learned how to trade in this big world."
One day, that will be the story of what life was like when I started to trade.
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